Benny's World

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Breaking: Obama and Clinton Drop Out of Race

Reported by CJ Sarah Lane (and cross-posted from EENR by permission)

In a stunning development, both Obama and Clinton have decided to drop out of the race for President. Word from both camps is that Hillary and Obama had a private meeting last night over cocktails. According to an anonymous source, both Clinton and Obama had been nervous about their poll numbers against John McCain. They were sick of fighting with each other, and they wanted the election to be about the issues again. The anonymous source said that both candidates agreed that conceding the election to John Edwards was the right thing to do. We should be expecting a press conference announcing their withdrawals from the race later this afternoon.

I was thrilled to hear about the developments. No more bickering between campaigns. No more negative attacks. No more attacks by way of their surrogates. Both Obama and Hillary have decided to take the high road and hand over the nomination to Edwards. The press has been trying to reach the Edwards Campaign all morning, but their spokesman said they were not available for comment.

If things couldn't get any stranger, when Karl Rove heard the news today that Edwards was going to be the nominee, he fled the country. Rove's spokesman said that there was no place for him in America if Edwards was President. There have also been reports of Cheney bashing his head into the bathroom wall in the Capitol Building. No one is sure if it's because Edwards is the nominee, or if another puppy peed on his leg. Apparently, it happens to him regularly.

Thanks Sarah Lane, for this wonderful snark. Now if only it were true....

(image courtesy of Pioneer, EENR Blog)

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  • P.S.: McCain loses the election but helps pass a bipartisan Election Reform package that makes him a significant footnote in the history books and creates a turning point for restoring Democratic institutions.

    Barak is appointed to the Supreme Court, where he seeks consensus but voting progressive 90% of the time. He treats Clarence Thomas with such dignity, that Thomas falls under his spell and become an Obamabot brother instead of a Wingbot reactionary.

    Hillary wins the post of Majority Leader over Harry "give them very little hell" Reid. Hillary and John finish each others' sentences and pass a universal health care package that puts Hillary in the history books. It covers both Elizabeth and McCain, leads to universal one-payer health care, and saves 18,000 lives in its first year.

    By Blogger Irene, at 5:21 PM  

  • No no - Hilary as a Supreme Court Justice, never to run for President again but serves as a potent and honorable sort of liberaish justice. Justice Thomas tries his coke can tricks (can I say that?) on Hilary and gets shot by a gun-toting Bill. Thomas has to resign due to injuries and another vacancy opens up for an Obama liberal appointee. Perhaps John Edwards future supreme court justice. Ack its second choice and it hurts.

    By Blogger Michael, at 8:03 PM  

  • This is the post I've been waiting for someone to write. And I LOVE the comments!
    honestly, this is the smartest and most poignant combination of essay and comments I've seen in these long horrid months since John was forced out.

    By Blogger lauren, at 12:15 PM  

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