Mother's Day Thoughts
Twice I have been a grocery store to purchase some items. And after the clerks have handed me my bag and my change, I'm thanked with "Thank you, and Happy Mother's Day."
I know I look the age of a mother, and maybe a young grandmother. I'm nearly 50, so that's understandable. Still, I can't help but feel a little sad each time I hear the words, "Happy Mother's Day."
This year, I am motherless. I have been motherless before, but generally it was temporarily. My mother was sometimes gone to a mental health facility on Mother's Day, but often, she was allowed for a 2 hour pass to come with us and have lunch. Sometimes she didn't understand what was going on, and I recall one time when she had just had EST, and she hardly recognized me. It took her nearly 2 hours to get dressed because she was so confused by the treatment. This is why today I am not an advocate of EST. I think other medications can work, they just take longer.
Nonetheless, I always hoped I would get her back, and I did. But on March 29th this year, she left, and she never came back. I know she is at peace, and no way will she ever experience the pain or hell she had to go through the last 2 weeks in her life, or the grief she had when she lost loved ones or friends.
As my spouse and I are with my brother-in-law, his wife, their son, his wife, and their daughter, I decided on one of those visits to the grocery store to pick up a small vase with a simple flower arrangement and give it to them. My spouse and I are motherless, but my nephew and his stepdaughter (his wife's by a previous marriage) aren't. To me, this is a first step in honoring mothers in our family. The ladies haven't seen them yet.
Grocery clerks do not mean to be insensitive to me by wishing me "Happy Mother's Day." But as it is my first one without my mother, and I do not have children, and I am away from my beloved pets, Benson, Elmora, and Sydney, I can only feel a tug at my heart when I heard those words. And I get teary-eyed.
Elizabeth Edwards, if you see this message, I wish you and yours happy mother's day. I hope that Cate, Emma Claire, Jack, and yes, John bestow on you more gifts of peace and love. I know from reading Resilience that your mother resides in an assisted living place, and at times, it is difficult for the two of you to communicate, but understand that she too will be in a place when you won't see her for quite awhile.
Happy Mother's Day to BW Readers.
My mother, Nell, RIP